Barfly
by Letta
Summary: Things go downhill quick after Naruto meets Itachi in a bar. Drinking, sex, and a fair amount of stupidity. NaruIta yaoi. That's right, NaruIta. You're only going to read this because you're curious. Now with more stupidity! ItaNaru.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not quite mine.

A/N: So, several months ago I decided I wanted to try and write NaruIta. Naruto as dominant, just to see if I could do it. I did. This was mostly because I had never seen one.

Victory is mine.

That doesn't necessarily mean this is any good.

**Dedicated** to The Engine Driver, because this author is my latest obsession. I'm addicted to her fics, so go read them and review them.

Also, the full version will not be found here. The link is in my profile.

**Warnings: **Yaoi, improbable situations, irresponsibility with alcohol, out of character-ness due to irresponsibility with alcohol... so on and so forth. Enjoy.

**

* * *

BARFLY **

**bar·fly** (bärfli)  
_n._ _Slang_ _pl._ **bar·flies **

One who frequents drinking establishments.

* * *

He wasn't normally one to drink. Especially not to the point of inebriation. Yet the room tilted excessively when he cocked his head to the side. So he cocked his head to the other side to see if it had the same effect. Yep. 

Had he ever been drunk before?

He didn't think so.

It seemed like he had always cut himself off. As soon as he felt the airy sensation settle over him, he stopped. It was unwise to indulge too much when one was a ninja and everywhere you visited had potential enemies.

Luckily, he had someone to look after him.

Glancing to the right, he noticed his partner passed out.

Shit.

He had thought those pitchers he kept ordering were going down awfully fast.

Why hadn't he noticed?

Oh, that's right, he was drunk.

He wondered if such happenings were commonplace in such a state. Not the alcohol disappearing too quickly, well yes, that, but the missing out on key events. Like a no good deadbeat partner who is apparently a dirty thief.

No wonder the Akatsuki forbid alcohol eight hours before a mission start.

Kisame snorted slightly in his sleep.

Irritated, Itachi shoved him off the table, watching as he hit the ground like dead weight. Surprisingly, the shark man didn't rouse.

Hm… another side effect.

He'd have to try and remember that one.

Noticing that his pitcher was once again empty, he pushed himself up from his seat in the corner, steadying himself for a moment before he walked to the bar. It felt kind of like a carnival ride as he walked over, or like being on a boat. Yes, like a boat.

He felt good, though.

Very good.

Why had he never done this before?

-

Naruto grinned to himself. He had successfully completed another high-ranked mission _on his own._ Since it was already past nightfall and he'd never make it back to Konoha by morning anyway, he decided to stop in a small town for the night. It was better than camping in the woods.

Said small town had a lovely array of bars, and as Jiraiya and Tsunade being two of his most prominent role models during his impressionable teenage years, he had picked up some of their relaxing habits, such as drinking.

Celebration was in order, after all. It wasn't everyday that one completed A-rank missions with so few complications. Especially alone. It was impressive, even more so that he had been doing this quite regularly. He was even given the occasional S-rank, but that always seemed to include a team. Not that he particularly minded, since it would go on his record regardless and make him an even more appealing candidate for Hokage. Which, by the way, it was starting to look like he had a shot at.

Life was good.

It was about to get better. Mostly because he had just walked into one of the selections of drinking establishments.

He was in the mood for something that burned his throat on the way down. What he really felt like was whiskey.

He had a sneaking suspicion that tonight he'd probably find it, and probably something a little more traditional, like sake, just because. He was fast becoming quite the connoisseur.

It was his ninja skills that kept him on the move, or barhopping, because staying in one place too long was dangerous, or got dull. He wasn't sure which.

Actually, it wasn't so much that it got dull as it was he knew there was somewhere more exciting to be. Like another bar.

-

Itachi had returned to his table, but Kisame was gone. Whether the man had come to his senses or was drug off by strangers, he didn't know. Either way, it was probably two hours ago by now. He didn't care too much, though. He cared a little, because the Akatsuki had a tendency to frown when you turned up sans a partner and no explanation to where they had gone, especially if it didn't involve any fights with enemies.

Well, it had never happened before that he was aware of, but he assumed it wouldn't be looked upon with cheer.

Cheer.

He was… cheerful.

He smirked. Then stopped. Then he smirked, lifting the opposite side of his mouth. If he did it in tandem, it was a smile.

Smirk, smile, smirk, smile.

He reached to pour himself some more from his pitcher, but he knocked it over, a cry of dismay escaping him. Then, with relief, he realized it had been empty and that nothing had gone to waste. Which meant it was time for a refill.

He made his way unsteadily to the bar again. He meant to just stop and stand at the bar so he could signal the bartender, but he slid sideways and bumped into someone.

"Don't… don't bump into me," Itachi said.

"I didn't, you bastard… Itachi?" the man asked, shocked.

Squinting, he looked up at the person who had spoken his name. That was when he realized he was still leaning on the man. "Naruto-kun. What are you doing here, in this place, where I am drinking?"

"I'm celebrating… in this bar."

Itachi decided that there was something off about the blonde.

"You're drunk," he accused.

"You're worse than me," Naruto said.

"No. No more. I'm cutting you off. Bartender, no more for this guy right here. He's had enough."

The bartender wasn't even listening.

Naruto looked affronted anyway. Then, as if the solution to life's troubles suddenly became clear, "Itachi, let me buy you a drink!"

"Sure."

This sparked a conversation and they then proceeded to solve all the world's problems, except for Sasuke.

Who, apparently, was one of the world's problems.

"It's just that, he wants to kill me, and he's revolved his… his… his entire _existence_ around it. It makes him come off as some sort of sorry psychopath. If I try to tell him anything now, he won't listen, unless I tell him to get stronger. That's all he wants to hear."

"Maybe," Naruto began, wisdom sparking through his solemn eyes, "maybe you need to tell him to get a job."

"A job?"

"Or better yet, just go out and get a job for him. If he has something to focus on, other than you, he'll have something to do. If he has something to do, he'll have something else in his life, not just, you know, revenge."

"But he'll still be a sorry psychopath," Itachi pointed out.

"Yes."

"It's fine if he's a psychopath, but then he has to come off as sorry -he's all pathetic about it."

"Give him some tips."

"What… what are you saying, that I'm a psychopath? Is that what you're saying?"

"What I'm saying is you're a better psychopath than he is. You do a fine job. Excellent, really, I'm quite impressed."

"Thank you." Itachi had been raised with good manners.

"Where's that guy?" Naruto suddenly asked.

"What guy?"

"You know, the one with the sword… Ki… Kisame."

"I don't know. He's not on the floor," Itachi said, referencing earlier when he had pushed Kisame off the table before Naruto arrived.

For his part, Naruto didn't even notice the seeming non sequitur, instead looking down at the floor to see for himself that Kisame wasn't there.

"You're right."

They fell into silence for a moment. Itachi was staring into his glass, looking as if he were thinking deeply about something. Naruto had at one point named the type 'contemplative drunk' after he had noticed there were usually a few of them in the bars he frequented. They would stare into their drink, maybe swirl it around a little, and then in profound drunken wisdom, suddenly announce a great idea or observation on life that didn't make sense to anyone but them… and other drunks.

"Say, Itachi…"

"Hm?" he answered, not bothering to look up from his glass.

"Why are you here, anyway?"

"I wanted to get drunk."

"Really?"

"No… that wasn't quite intended… I wanted to drink, but I got… drunk."

"This happen often?" Naruto asked, genuinely curious.

"First time."

For some reason unknown to the Uchiha, that made Naruto grin. He raised an eyebrow in curiosity, but his expression turned into a frown of confusion as Naruto suddenly struggled with his jacket.

"Is it warm in here? I'm hot!" the blonde announced, fumbling with his zipper before wiggling his arms out of his sleeves and just pulling it over his head. This caused his hair to be even more mussed than usual.

The Uchiha's eyes were glued to the stripping shinobi next to him, staring intensely at a sight that interested him more than it should. He suspected that this new development could develop into a serious issue the next time he tried to capture the blonde for the Akatsuki. Which, technically, _should_ be right now.

Itachi watched as Naruto dropped his jacket onto a stool before taking another swallow from his own glass.

He had sort of expected Naruto to be wearing an orange shirt underneath, but instead it was a dark gray short sleeved shirt.

Itachi looked down at himself, noting that his own cloak had been left behind at that table in the corner. He had on the same type of navy blue shirt that he had been wearing for years, since joining the Akatsuki. A netted 'V' at the collar, the rest solid material. His shoes were held in place by stirrups, which he had always thought looked rather ridiculous, besides, it wasn't as if his feet wouldn't keep his shoes on. He had never understood the stirrups, but somehow, he had never really brought it up at any of their secret meetings.

This failing may have been because whenever they all gathered together, it was usually to go over some diabolical plans and the group fashion seemed paltry in comparison.

It may have been because of that.

It had been a while since they had any secret meetings. Maybe he should try and organize one just for the sake of having one.

"Itachi, you smell like laundry detergent."

He looked up, to find Naruto extremely close. He wasn't sure when that had happened… or how.

"You're very close to me," the Uchiha said, stating the fact, but asking it as a question at the same time. He could feel something rising in his chest that was suspiciously similar to excitement.

"You were looking at your clothes."

He wasn't sure if that was an answer to his indirect question or not.

"I wanted to see why," Naruto explained, voice dropping slightly. Apparently he needed to invade Itachi's personal space to 'see why'.

"You're not wearing orange."

Naruto blinked.

"No, I'm wearing gray."

"I can see that."

"You have really white teeth. You must brush at least twice a day."

Itachi brushed after every meal. It was important to take care of one's teeth, especially when dentists were never very common out in the middle of nowhere, like where the Akatsuki headquarters were.

"You have really blue eyes."

"Yours are red, and pretty."

As far as he could recall, Itachi had never heard anyone refer to the sharingan as 'pretty'. Frightening, terrifying, yes.

"Thank you."

"I mean it, you have really pretty eyes. I think you have longer eyelashes than Sakura."

The Akatsuki member wasn't sure if that was a compliment.

"You… smell good." Itachi wasn't quite certain why he had said that, other than that he must've thought so. To be sure, he grabbed the front of Naruto's shirt and sniffed him, the tip of his nose brushing against Naruto's neck as he lowered his head to get a decent whiff of the boy.

Yes, Naruto did smell good. Sort of like pine needles.

"I'm summer fresh," Naruto replied, his face full of Itachi's shoulder. The blonde was surprised at how warm Itachi was.

"Your hair is _shiny_. I like it," Naruto continued.

"Are you coming on to me?"

There was silence for a moment.

"Yes."

"Well… okay then."

"Itachi?"

"Hm?"

"Let's get out of here." The Uchiha didn't miss the blatant suggestion in Naruto's voice.

-

It seemed very logical to the two enemy ninja that the next course of action would be obtaining a room at an inn, right after Itachi grabbed his cloak from that table in the corner.

It was upon realization that they both had rooms -halfway to some random motel- that it seemed a good idea to make use of one of those. Itachi started off in the direction of his room, but he was halted when he remembered he was sharing it with Kisame -who may or may not have returned there- because they were both stingy.

Except, apparently, when it came to alcohol.

Naruto, however, loudly declared, in the middle of the night out in the street in the center of town where he woke some people, that he had a room free from partners.

So they headed off.

-

As soon as the two stumbled into the room, Naruto turned around and pushed the older shinobi to the wall insistently. He was liquored up enough to not care that he was about to get more intimate with the body of a missing nin than he should be. Or rather, he cared, just not in the appropriate way.

Naruto tore at the concealing cloak, a little shocked and confused when the catches on it were ripped out of the fabric. It wouldn't close again. Itachi would have to buy a new one, unless he was a talented seamstress.

Naruto let that thought pass before the danger of dwelling on it could become a problem.

Grinning deviantly, he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of the Uchiha's pants, pulling their hips together as he leaned in with his chest, effectively pinning the Akatsuki member.

Itachi, if he had been anywhere near sober, may have protested with physical violence to being shoved up against a wall. As it was, Naruto's body pressing up along his made that difficult to do so.

The blonde pressed his mouth firmly against Itachi's, demanding that the Uchiha yield to his advances. If the Uchiha had any thoughts of resistance, he wouldn't have followed Naruto to his room.

Naruto lifted a hand to grab Itachi's jaw, and almost laughed when he was snarled at.

He felt hands dig into his hips, a little painfully, but the alcohol in his system helped him ignore it.

Naruto drove his hips forward, sending a clear signal to any who cared to interpret that he was fully intent on fucking Uchiha Itachi.

Itachi had always been good at picking up signals.

The brunette's mouth left Naruto's lips chasing down tan skin, teeth scraping against a strong jaw. He bit lightly at an earlobe, methodically trailing down a neck that tilted backwards graciously for him, the side of his perfect face tickled by the blonde hair of the man who was still holding him in place.

Naruto, for his part, felt his body tighten itself in anticipation as liquid fire raced through his veins, and he roughly pushed his lower body against the other's again. He wondered what some people would do for a night with the sharingan user.

Probably a lot.

Of course, if he bothered to think about it, he was risking charges of treason at worst, and an ass kicking from Tsunade at best. It was probably a good thing he didn't bother to think about it.

Besides, who had to know?

Even if it would totally be worth the looks on everyone's faces. Later, upon sobering up, he would decide that it probably wasn't worth that.

Belatedly realizing his mind had been wandering, and somehow without his knowing, his hands had made their way inside Itachi's cloak, the Konoha nin felt it might be a good idea to pay attention to the situation at hand. He wouldn't want to miss it.

Naruto wedged his knee between Itachi's own, growling possessively.

Itachi's eyes spun wildly. For a moment, Naruto thought maybe he was going to die –at that perhaps he _would_ want to miss this- until Itachi flipped him over and on to the ground. He wasn't even aware it had happened until the older man's body fell onto his.

The sharp smell of alcohol mingled with whatever shampoo Itachi must use. The blonde thought it smelled vaguely like lilacs, but that seemed ridiculous.

Everyone knew wanted criminals didn't use flower scented shampoo. Everyone, of course, being Naruto.

Legs tangled clumsily as they gripped each other. Naruto distinctly heard Itachi grunt as he thrust against him, clothed hips creating a frustration that bred urgency. He responded, arching upwards, his lean body pressing hard against the one above him, the open cloak blanketing around them.

Naruto dug his fingers into Itachi's lower back, thoroughly enjoying himself, but feeling that it was lacking something. Aside from the main event, of course.

Hooking his ankle around Itachi's leg, he flipped them over. Much better. Everything was more fun with a little competition.

The Uchiha narrowed his eyes, but swiftly, before he could retaliate, Naruto sent one of his hands on a mission south. Victory was his.

After all, he had very reliable hands, and they succeeded in very dangerous missions all the time.

"Naruto-kun…"

"Call me Naruto," he demanded sultrily, before sliding a hand up the missing nin's shirt, the cloak spread underneath them. He smirked when a hand gripped him from behind and jerked him forward. The blonde brought his hands up near Itachi's head, leaning on them as he ground harshly into the man below.

Was it just him or were Uchiha's really pretty? Itachi especially… even more so when he arched like that -eyes narrowing, but not quite closing in his wanton state. Red was such a sexy color.

Naruto dipped his head, catching a gasp, intruding into it, and tasting what the other man had drank. Itachi responded with a kind of lazy power that Naruto was fast beginning to associate with him. Alcohol made it clumsy, but desire made it burn. A hand fisted in his hair as blonde locks were tugged backwards, separating them before teeth grazed down his neck.

It hurt slightly, but not enough to deter Naruto, he was tough and in this case, he didn't mind it one bit. It was even a little enjoyable.

Rough treatment was kind of a turn on.

He just hoped it wouldn't develop into some sort of complex. He would hate it if he needed therapy.

A sharp pain in his shoulder alerted him to the fact that he had been bit. Not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to bruise. He smiled devilishly when it occurred to him that although any marks he accrued in this rendezvous would heal by morning, Itachi would have to wait for his to heal at a normal rate.

Looking down at the Uchiha through half lidded eyes, meeting hazy red, he thought about how entertaining it would be if Itachi had some noticeable visual reminder of him, ones that would be apparent and difficult to explain.

He figured a few Akatsuki-level nins would probably notice, in fact, it was almost a guarantee.

With renewed fervor, Naruto grabbed the genius's arms, locking them above the man's head, oddly thankful to Jiraiya for his training that allowed him this strength that was hard for even S-class missing nins to match.

Itachi didn't really have a distinguishing taste, but that was probably good, because Naruto bet he would've tasted like blood. He chose a spot high up on the Uchiha's neck and sucked. Hard.

Naruto let go of Itachi's arms to hold himself up instead.

Itachi groaned, driving his hips upward, hands sliding gracefully up Naruto's back, beneath his shirt. Somehow it didn't surprise him that Itachi could still be graceful when he was completely trashed.

Naruto temporarily left the pale skin as he found his shirt come over his head, and watching it for a brief moment as it was flung across the room.

He supposed he was lagging and should catch up, besides it wasn't exactly fair if Itachi could watch him move around naked if he couldn't do the same. Especially since he _really_ wanted to see Itachi naked. If only things were different, then maybe he'd be able to have Itachi walk around naked for him everyday. Too bad they were enemies.

Actually, now that he really actually thought about it, they probably shouldn't be doing this. After all, Itachi had spent a lot of time trying to kidnap him, which would eventually end in Naruto's death if he succeeded. That was even more important than treason and beatings.

Looking at the man who was currently fumbling with his pants –standard Konoha jounin issue- Naruto decided that it was probably, definitely too late to stop now. He grabbed a loose lock of dark hair, tilting the perfect head to allow him to fasten his lips to the underside of a sculpted jaw.

He bet an artist would kill to carve out the Uchiha's image. Itachi looked like the ageless marble statues in museums: frozen figures of ethereal beauty. Of course, the only time Naruto had been in a museum was to steal something for a client during a mission in the middle of the night, and the statues he would compare Itachi to had nearly given him a heart attack when he thought they were real people.

Besides, the real thing was prettier than a statue anyway.

He smirked to himself and grabbed at the neck of Itachi's shirt with both hands, effectively tearing the material until it was split down the front completely. He was rewarded with a growl and his head connecting solidly with the floor again as they were flipped over. Idly, he noticed that this was getting them closer and closer to the bed.

"You can afford a new one," Naruto grinned. For some reason, Itachi didn't seem to find it funny. He raked his eyes down the exposed chest, trying not to snicker at what a nice curtain the shirt-turned-rag made against the cloak.

"You are hot," Naruto complimented. He could be nice when he wanted to be.

Itachi blinked at him.

"You know, staring at me and not doing anything is the best part of sex."

Uchihas always seemed to respond to the blonde's taunts.

In this case, it involved Itachi crushing his lips against Naruto's with bruising force, and forcibly removing his pants.

Naruto could be the accommodating sort –though usually only when made to –so he returned the favor.

The blonde firmly grabbed a bare hip and pressed himself against it tight, moving in a confident direction before once more reversing their positions. He pulled away, sitting on his heels as he reached for one of his discarded articles of clothing. He dug around in the pockets, for once reveling in the crimson eyes that followed his every move.

Normally if Itachi was watching him so intently, it was a bad thing.

Grinning, he pulled out a small bottle, his expression turning victorious.

"Do you always carry that around?" The question startled Naruto for a moment, not expecting Itachi to speak.

"At Jiraiya's advice."

Jiraiya actually advised he carry a lot more things around with him, but a good portion of that list was illegal in Fire Country, he was sure, and most of it, he either didn't know what it was or how to use it. He wasn't about to let the old pervert explain any of it to him, either. He didn't want advice from a lecher on how to be an even bigger lecher.

Naruto stood up, a glint in his eyes that even Itachi couldn't quite recognize. The Konoha shinobi leaned over, offering his hand to the genius, who curious, took it –probably because he was still rather drunk. Intoxication was great for those little inhibition problems.

Naruto hauled the other man up, pulling him flush against him for a brief moment, pausing to lick harshly up his neck, before spinning them around and pushing Itachi against the wall.

Itachi, for his part, took it all rather calmly. Naruto supposed it was just an Itachi thing.

The blonde pressed up against him, moving in with his mouth, connecting with another, before thrusting with his hips, getting to the point where his patience was wearing very thin, but where he knew that this was the chance of a lifetime if he was careful.

There was something he wanted to do that he would probably never get a chance to do again.

Itachi suppressed a smirk at the blonde in his arms. He couldn't recall ever feeling so… relaxed, and at the same time, excited. Probably because he had never engaged in drunken sex.

He reached up to grab the blonde locks, unable to pinpoint when the hitae-ate disappeared and not sure why this missing time seemed so significant. Come to think of it, he couldn't recall his own hitae-ate being removed, but he could distinctly feel the lack of it on his forehead.

His brows knitted slightly in confusion, but then Naruto did something within his mouth that completely derailed that train of thought.

He tightened his grip on Naruto's hair, tugging the younger nin's head to the side as he lowered his face to a tanned neck, teeth scraping against the skin hard enough to leave red marks, but nothing more. He reached the shoulder and bit down, felt a slight jolt beneath him and moved on. His other hand swept across a broadened back, feeling the two that were on his own hips, guiding their movement.

This was not enough. He wanted more, and when he wanted something, he would do what it took to get it.

That was the summary of his thoughts before he found himself spun around, looking at the wall, one side of his face pressed against cool plaster, his legs spread to balance himself in the awkward position. Although Naruto had improved drastically since he had first met him, it seemed odd to him that he should be able to do this and also pin his arm behind his back.

Maybe Naruto wasn't quite at the same level of inebriation.

Something warm and damp fell on his neck, moving up to his earlobe as a hand trailed down his spine and then lower.

-

Link to full version in my profile.

-

Itachi returned to the current Akatsuki hideout alone with a limp, a cloak that wouldn't close, a ripped shirt, and a neck full of hickeys. Most drew their own conclusions.

Kisame had come back a few hours earlier, confident his partner would show up.

The first one who had been stupid enough to stare had been on the receiving end of a mangekyo sharingan genjutsu: tsukiyomi.

Despite their dying curiosity, no one dared asked questions, since their dying curiosity would probably cause them to die.

Other than that, for the next few days Itachi was more relaxed than anyone ever recalled him being. From then on, when they would whisper among themselves that he needed to get laid, they couldn't help but snicker.

-

Naruto, upon waking up on his inn room floor and finding himself draped over a missing nin who was wanted by his village, immediately panicked.

With a degree of skill borne from necessity, he gathered what he could of his possessions, knowing he had never been more silent in his entire life and ran.

He was several miles away before he thought to stop and put his clothes on.

He ran a few more miles just to be safe.

Then he took the time to slow down and think. He went over the night before in his mind, but when he felt his body start reacting to it, he immediately terminated that train of thought. Apparently it was something he would have to reminisce over when he was alone in his apartment with the doors locked on the off chance someone wanted to walk in.

His friends noted that for a few weeks he was nervous and shaky, and especially pale on the day of his return. When they asked him about it, he would glare at him, and then they would tell him that maybe he needed to get laid. The color would drain from his face right before he punched them

* * *

A/N: I do have one question. How do you write a drunk Itachi? I wasn't sure, so I just wrote something similar to other drunk people I know. We'll just assume he's a chatty, laidback drunk. 

I hope I have corrupted you all.

I started this in November 2005. It is late April 2006. Thought you might like to know.  
Oh, and there is a depressingly small amount of ita/naru naru/ita fics where naurto _isn't_ a weepy suicidal person, so those of you so inclined should write some and I will read them.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Finally done! Watch me rebel against weepy-uke Naruto! I mean seriously, he was trained by Jiraiya _and _Kakashi. Seriously. Jeesh. Come on. Really. Or something.

Warnings: You ever write something and then a few months later, continue it and it has a different feel? So yeah, that's your warning.

Oh, and the full version can be found on devianart dot com and adultfanfiction dot net. There should be a link in my profile to one of them.

-

-

"You can't make up numbers!" Neji said, slamming his empty glass down on the bar. Next to him, his partner from the mission they had just completed looked decidedly uncomfortable. In fact, Uzumaki Naruto had been uneasy around bars for months, and at first for a few weeks, had adamantly refused to even go into one.

That was finally ended when one particularly determined team that had been assigned to him physically forced him through the door of a bar. Rumor has it the team consisted of Kiba, Ino, and Lee. There was some question later on of the mental health of the person who had grouped together those four and the seemingly unrelated decreased workload (increased boredom) of the Hokage.

"I wasn't arguing with you," Naruto pointed out, having yet to even touch the drink that someone (presumably Neji) had set out before him.

"That psychology -you can't prove, people make it up, but you can't fake numbers," Neji continued, as if Naruto had never spoken.

"I've never even studied psychology," Naruto said, ignoring the fact that the academy and various other steps along the career path of a shinobi included lessons on the subject. Something to do with the importance of knowing, understanding, and predicting the enemy –at least he thought that's what Sakura said, but he was in the process of droning out her impending speech at the time. The blonde had racked up quite a few sick days that suspiciously corresponded with scheduled seminar dates –which had prompted the aforementioned speech.

"Psychology is someone's opinion," Neji said, hands fisted passionately, and nearly knocking over his own glass, which was empty, but the blonde suspected would be refilled at any moment.

"I've seen you use it pretty often in battle," Naruto commented, "How many have you had?" There were several empty glasses and cups on their table, none of them Naruto's, not all Neji's –as they had made friends in the bar who now seemed to have abandoned them- but there were still quite a few.

"That's not the point, Naruto."

"I don't think there was a point."

"You need to loosen up," Neji said, and whether or not that was the point was a mystery.

Naruto blinked, and almost laughed at the irony of Neji saying something like that to him –_or anyone_. He would've laughed, too, but he was currently terrified.

Well, maybe that was an overstatement, but he certainly wasn't comfortable with his current location. A bar, outside of Konoha.

The only reason he was here (and the reason why he was able to keep himself from grabbing his weapons defensively) was because Neji was with him. Glancing at his inebriated partner, he wondered if that was really doing him much good.

"Why are you so edgy?" Neji asked, eyes looking surprisingly clear, and voice unslurred (although Naruto suspected that was a trick or an illusion the Hyuga had picked up somewhere to fool people into thinking he might not be drunk, despite the fact the he otherwise seemed incapable of acting sober).

"I'm not," the blonde denied.

"Yes you are."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Let me go get you some more," Naruto said, grabbing the empty pitcher and heading up towards the bar –effectively ending the argument. Of course, Naruto giving up on an argument would only increase Neji's concern, if not for the fact that the Hyuga prodigy was very drunk and would forget about it long before Naruto returned.

If not that, then Uzumaki Naruto volunteering to get up and have a pitcher refilled when there was nothing at the bar to catch his interest (say a pretty young lady, free ramen, a jutsu scroll, a slimy toad…) would alarm most of his friends.

Naruto looked at his free hand as he set the pitcher on the counter and waited for the bartender. Balled to the point of white knuckles. So maybe he couldn't fully relax it from a fist, that didn't mean anything.

"Another one?" the bartender asked, taking the empty jug.

"Yeah… and a shot of whiskey," Naruto added, figuring that one shot probably wasn't going to do much harm. His tolerance would be a little low since he hadn't been exercising it, so it would just be enough to relax him a little and then maybe Neji would shut up.

When it came down to it, that's all he really wanted: Neji to shut up.

He never thought he would feel that way about Neji.

A full pitcher and a full shot glass were set before him a moment later, so after downing the shot, he made his way back to Neji, whom he would find, had still not shut up.

-

Somehow -Naruto wasn't sure how- but somehow Neji had managed to talk him into a drinking game. It involved dice.

Fortunately, Naruto had always found himself to be inordinately lucky when it came to various forms of gambling, so he had only taken in a little bit of alcohol, while Neji looked thoroughly trashed, but at the same time, managed to pull it off while looking dignified. That was a complete mystery to Naruto.

Aside from failures in trying to argue with people –Naruto- about subjects they didn't care about –anything remotely intellectual- Neji was a rather quiet drunk (but since he spent most of his time trying to argue until it was noon-day sun shining right in your eyes blindingly clear that no one was going to argue with him, that almost meant nothing). However, he was an imaginative drunk.

Naruto discovered this after returning from the bathroom to find that the Hyuuga had managed to get a small stack of paper and a pencil and was busy drawing out battle plans, musical scores, and futuristic technology (which Neji explained was a refrigeration unit for when he went into outer space).

Why the Hyuga ever thought he might decide to try a swing in outer space was not something Naruto really cared to dwell on, and considering the results of the genius's current cognitive thought processes, he sure as hell wasn't going to ask.

Later, Neji managed to find a guy who could play piano and had him play his composition. Halfway through, when Naruto was about to go over and put an end to the rendition, Neji leaned over conspiratorially and said, "It sounded better in my head."

That was shortly followed by, "He's playing it wrong." Naruto was fairly certain the pianist wasn't playing it wrong –that was just how bad it was.

At least the battle plans had some merit.

"Naruto."

The shinobi in question turned back to his companion, to see that Neji was pushing an empty pitcher towards him while pointing with his other hand towards the bar. Naruto felt he should protest, but he never quite got to that point before he found himself on his feet and giving in to Neji's not-quite-demands.

When he stepped forward, he noticed that the timing of the rest of the world seemed slightly off from his movements.

A shot of panic ran through him.

_/It's okay, I'm just a _little_ tipsy. Nothing to worry about. No psychotic evil genius ninjas in sight. Save Neji./_

For some reason, the mental pep talk actually worked, which was strange, because they rarely actually did.

The second (or maybe third) time that night Naruto found himself at the bar, setting down an empty pitcher and asking for another.

"He'll take two cups of sake, also."

Naruto's blood ran cold as he recognized the voice.

"Itachi?" he asked, not turning around. He had just looked around the damn bar to see if the bastard was here! Quickly, he whipped his head around, saw Itachi standing right behind him, and quickly turned back to face the bar. He raised a hand to hide the side of his face that Itachi could see, as if that would hide him. Despite his efforts, Naruto did not fool the genius.

"Hello, Naruto-kun."

"You'd better be paying for those." Looking back, Naruto decided he probably should've said something different, but he had a thing for saying the first thing to enter his head.

Of course, by answering, he was giving up the charade, so he angled his body so he could at least keep an eye on Itachi. My his hair looked soft… softer than Naruto remembered. If he had to guess, he would say that the Uchiha was probably using salon quality shampoo and conditioner.

If the S-class criminal noticed how the Konoha shinobi was staring at him (or rather, his hair) he didn't say anything. Nor did he say anything when the blonde snapped back to himself and drummed his fingers on the bar, trying to ignore the fact that he had been staring.

Two cups of sake were set before Naruto, who was glad for the not-quite-interruption as Itachi stepped up next to him. The elder Uchiha dropped a couple coins on the counter and gestured to Naruto to drink up.

Despite rationality, Naruto was thoroughly ingrained with the teachings of Jiraiya and Tsunade, which included never turning down a free drink.

Rationality wasn't really what Naruto was known best for anyway (neither were Jiraiya or Tsunade, or for that matter, the last member of the Legendary Three). Later he would decide to find new mentors, but when trying to think of replacements all he would be able to come up with were Kakashi, Anko, and Gai, he would then find himself very nearly starting to sob into his pillow. Instead he'd make a late night call to Sakura's apartment who would listen emphatically (she was familiar with Tsunade's methods, after all) while patting him gently on the back and making him a cup of instant ramen. After twenty minutes, she'd get annoyed because she didn't do well with a lack of rest and tell him to either sleep on her couch or get the hell out because she was going back to bed.

Setting the second cup back down next to the now empty first, Naruto turned to face Itachi –who had apparently taken to leaving his Akatsuki cloak behind when going out, and found the Uchiha close enough that they could smell the alcohol on each other's breath. His teeth were still brilliantly white.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked, losing any sort of a real demanding tone with the drinks he had consumed, and continually finding his eyes glued to various attractive features.

"The same thing you are."

"You're hanging out with Neji, too?"

"No, I'm drinking."

"Well, I'm hanging out with Neji, he's awesome."

"Hm," Itachi said, waving over another cup of sake that was soon placed in front of Naruto.

"How many have you had?"

"I didn't count."

"Well, you didn't have enough," Naruto said, trying to tear his eyes away from a well defined jaw before picking up the sake and drinking it, "so you should have this pitcher here, and I'll just be going."

"Have one for the road," Itachi said, and magically (through the attentions of a good bartender) another cup appeared in front of Naruto, replacing his empty one.

"Sure, you as well, for the road."

Itachi resisted the urge to try and understand that. He did see that another cup of sake was next to Naruto's, though.

The blonde tipped his own cup back (and damn Tsunade and Jiraiya), setting it empty on the counter.

"You've finished your sake," Itachi commented, gesturing to the bartender again, who immediately set a cup down in front of Naruto and one in front of Itachi.

"I'm wise to your game," Naruto said, looking like he had just caught the cat in the fishbowl.

"What game would that be?" There was something amusing about a genius playing stupid.

"The one where you keep ordering more sake."

"You looked thirsty."

"So does your face!" Naruto retorted (probably because he had been staring at the man's face), and looking for all the world like he hadn't just said something stupid. One would suppose that was a gift of his, although not a very useful gift.

"My face looks thirsty?" Itachi asked, confusion surfacing just barely in his voice, although without any real expression taking over his visage –that was probably also a gift.

"Drink your sake," Naruto said, taking his own advice when his eyes focused over Itachi's shoulder.

"I think Kisame's looking for you," he said.

Itachi glanced over his shoulder, but failed to see his shark-like companion. He turned back to Naruto to discover the other shinobi had fled.

Later, when he sobered up, Itachi would be pissed to remember that he had fallen for one of Naruto's drunken diversion tactics. Especially since Kisame was back at the motel room.

-

Neji was confused as to why Naruto returned without more alcohol and then grabbed his arm and ran into the bathroom.

It was a little strange when one of your friends locked themselves in a bathroom stall with you and then obsessively peered out the cracks. Not to say that anything Naruto ever did was really that normal.

"Hey, what's going on?" Neji whispered, but it came out as a stage whisper, which were characteristically loud despite being whispers.

"Shh! If he finds me, he's going to keep buying me drinks!"

There was silence for a moment while Neji tried to figure out what was going on.

"Can I meet him?"

"No!" Naruto snapped as quietly as he could while still putting in a proper amount of emphasis.

After ten minutes, Neji lost his patience and managed to fight his way out of the stall and managing to get a very strange look from the other guy who was in there washing his hands.

Not wanting his friend to face peril alone, Naruto reluctantly followed Neji back out.

Before they stepped out the door, Naruto paused in front of one of the mirrors.

"I thought people were supposed to get better looking the more I drink."

Neji glanced at him.

"I think I look worse," Naruto said in explanation, running a hand up his face and through his hair. Neji grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him out of the room.

A quick scan of the crowded room when they reentered failed to reveal any Akatsuki members, to Naruto's relief.

Of course, by then, the sake he had drunk caught up to him and he couldn't be bothered to think that maybe he should leave anyway (since Itachi seemed to have no qualms about killing large amounts of people at once, so a crowded bar wouldn't hardly slow him down). Thus, Naruto sat back down at his table with Neji and told him it was his turn to go get a pitcher.

It wasn't, because Naruto had never actually returned with one, but Neji didn't argue –breaking his drunken pattern.

About twenty minutes later, Neji announced that he had to go to the bathroom for real and Naruto was left happily pouring himself another glass.

As it was, he was caught by surprise when Itachi sat down next to him with his own empty glass and poured himself some as well.

"Hey, that's not yours," Naruto said, "you didn't buy it. Neji bought it."

"He said I could have some," Itachi answered.

"No he didn't."

"I'm taking some anyway."

"Well alright," the Konoha shinobi said, as if that settled everything.

Naruto took a drink from his glass, before saying, "How'd you know I was still here?"

"I watched you drag your friend into the bathroom."

"Oh, right… stealth." The Uchiha could only guess that Naruto was referring to a lack thereof.

Itachi chose not to comment, instead enjoying his stolen alcohol, which he was apparently allowed to have.

Somehow, they started talking about Kabuto.

"I guess I don't see the motivation."

"He is the right-hand man."

"And his boss is _Orochimaru_," Naruto pressed.

"Pay and power."

"Yeah, but have you ever really talked to Orochimaru? He's got this creepy snake-obsession and inappropriate interests in your brother," Naruto argued.

"Wanting his body as his next vessel? It won't do him much good."

"Yeah, Sasuke is kind of weak."

"Very."

"Have you seen him lately?"

"Orochimaru?"

"No, Sasuke."

"No," Itachi answered.

"They're dressing alike."

There was silence for a moment.

"Sasuke is officially kicked out of the Uchiha clan." Never mind the clan only consisted of two people. It was like kids with a clubhouse.

"You should maybe send him a letter."

Itachi seemed to think it was a good idea and tried writing on a napkin before noticing Neji's stack of papers. As for the Hyuuga himself, he had stopped at the bar before returning to the table, and was currently explaining to a redhead how to make a nuclear reactor out of common household items.

Naruto grabbed the letter when Itachi was finished and read it aloud. "Sasuke, you're out of the clan for bad fashion choices. Deal with it. Itachi."

"You have nice handwriting."

"Thank you."

Suddenly, a thought struck Naruto.

"Say, why are you here, anyway?"

At this, Naruto was given a very pointed look that he chose to interpret incorrectly, either willingly or not.

"Another pitcher?"

Itachi didn't bother to answer that.

Naruto chose to stare at the Uchiha in the way where he squinted his eyes.

"You have really nice skin, you know that? It's looks baby soft. Ever rub your skin against a baby's to compare it?"

"No."

"Maybe you should."

"No."

Then a callused hand was on his face, and Naruto was looking at him with intensity.

"Baby soft," the Konoha nin said, stressing the word 'baby'.

Itachi's lips tightened slightly as his eyes hooded in something reminiscent of annoyance and frustration.

Naruto squinted at him again, catching sight of the hand that was holding the glass to Itachi's mouth.

"Your hands look really… delicate. I bet you could do a lot of things with them though. Like…

"Like?"

At the question, blue eyes lidded heavily as a mouth turned up mischievously.

"Let's go have man-sex."

-

Neji had returned from the bathroom (and the bar where he had finished explaining to a young brunette woman why sparrows were the most useless bird) to find Naruto gone, but with two half empty glasses left on the table. He sat down for a moment, drinking what was left of the contents of the glass he had.

"Byakugan!" he yelled, loudly enough to draw attention from several of the patrons, who looked at him oddly.

Apparently they were unaware that he was a ninja.

They were also unaware that he had special ninja abilities, which was probably why they gaped at him for so long.

-

After a brief stop at the post office to drop a letter into the overnight chute, Naruto found himself shoved up roughly against an alley wall, a lean body pressed hungrily against his.

When he found a mouth covering his own, he forgot just why exactly he was trying to avoid this reunion. Of course, when he focused on the question, he suddenly was supplied with plenty of reasons, but he was good at ignoring reasoning and common sense, and really, survival instinct.

He figured as long as they kept this between the two of them, it probably wouldn't be an issue.

Probably.

Of course, he was a little terrified of this man (between kidnapping, murder, and all sorts of things shinobi did but Itachi was much better at), though it seemed most people were. For some reason, however, he wasn't really scared at the moment. Maybe it was the fact that Itachi wasn't attacking him in a harmful manner, maybe it was copious amounts of alcohol he had taken in despite his better judgment. Maybe it was just stupidity.

All three reasons had valid points.

Since thinking things through had never been Naruto's strong point, he responded to the Uchiha's advances and gave as good as he got, deciding (without consulting the part of his brain that controlled logic) that improvisation in the sexual arts was probably the best course of action. As a general rule -again made without the use of logic- he never questioned himself, which would explain what his hands were doing inside Itachi's shirt.

One hand clutched at a strong back, the other smoothing down a stomach, lingering near the waistline of the darker man's pants.

Suddenly, a thought struck Naruto.

"Hey, hey, Itachi…"

The man paused briefly at the tan neck, indicating that he was listening before resuming his task.

"You're not just trying to seduce me… you know, so you can, um, capture me and stuff?"

That was really his one hold-up. Never mind the fact that Itachi was an enemy of his home village or Tsunade would beat him into tiny bits of pulp or that he was indirectly responsible for pretty much all of Naruto's Sasuke-issues. Naruto had a lot of issues, too, of which a majority were Sasuke related.

"No."

"I would."

He received a strange look.

Then Naruto relaxed again, until he realized that the answer could have been a convenient lie to lure him into a false sense of security while the plan would continue on.

"You have to tell me if you are, because… that's not fair… otherwise," Naruto said, struggling with words as his mind fumbled around drunkenly –it was especially hard when someone had taken a liking to the taste of your collarbone and was currently gripping your hips rather possessively.

This time, the missing-nin pulled back, eyes half lidded (either from intoxication, seriousness, or lust, Naruto wasn't sure), and paused before answering.

"If I captured you right now, and the Akatsuki found out how, I would never live it down."

There was a moment of silence while that sunk in. Normally it would amuse him that Itachi actually admitted that and feared (would be annoyed by) the jests and social mocking by his peers, however he was not in a state to appreciate the novelty.

"Well good."

Itachi started to lean in again.

"Say, Itachi?"

This time, Naruto was positive he heard an irritated sigh. Probably because he did. Itachi was no doubt reaching for something to stab him with.

"What?"

"Is an alley the best place for this? I don't know about you… but, uh, I have people that, uh, want to kill me, which might actually include you… and there's only one way out."

Whether he realized it or not, Naruto had actually made a very good point, even if he forgot the fact that he was a shinobi and should be able to scale the walls.

However, despite the genius of the one, neither of them were well versed in the drunken usage of chakra on the fly, and considering Itachi was a member of an elite organization and a shinobi genius, he really should have thought of that himself.

Even _Naruto_ had figured it out.

Itachi made a note to himself about brushing up on strategy that he probably wouldn't remember in the morning.

For now he would just content himself with thinking that Naruto had more experience with alcohol. Which was actually true.

-

They climbed in through the window crashing onto the bed of the hotel room, because breaking in was easier than trying to find the key since Naruto wasn't sure which pocket he put it in _and_ get it into the lock.

That was how Naruto found himself with a mouth full of Itachi's ponytail as the missing-nin tried to push himself off his back (and consequently, off of Naruto).

It never would have happened if Naruto's pants-leg hadn't gotten caught on the windowsill forcing him to grab onto Itachi as he lost his balance.

Unfortunately, Itachi's balance wasn't up to par as he had been in the awkward position of being mostly through the window and drunk. To a genius shinobi it would have to be embarrassing –even the stoic unemotional ones.

Naruto felt something hard hit him –that felt suspiciously like the handle of a kunai- just under the ribs, and couldn't help but think it was intentional. It was.

However, the Konoha nin had a unique ability of bringing people over to his side, save Sasuke –who didn't count anyway, because he was a bastard, and as he hooked one leg over Itachi's hip, he grabbed his collar (since he had just managed to turn himself around) and pulled him downwards for contact, making peace.

Itachi could be quite agreeable when it suited him. Such as now.

The truce was finalized when Itachi shoved one hand into blonde hair, and the other up the jounin vest that Naruto so proudly wore. Apparently Naruto's mission hadn't required shinobi anonymity. Still, it seemed dangerous to wear it out drinking, if you ignored the fact that he and his companion were both very strong shinobis. Even if one (Neji) turned out to be an uncommonly strange drunk and the other (Naruto) a paranoid nymphomaniac.

In Itachi's opinion.

At least they hadn't been wearing their hitae-ate.

With a little speed and skill, Naruto was no longer wearing his vest, either. In fact, it seemed like the blonde didn't even notice, not even when he was divested of his shirt as well. He was supposed to be a jounin?

So Itachi decided to see if Naruto would notice if his pants went missing, too. Until, that is, he sensed an attack more than saw it.

Unfortunately for Itachi, his reaction time was slower than usual due to his planned inebriation, and his right arm shouldn't have shot out so far and missed. The sound of tearing cloth made him look down at his chest, to see that, for the second time since he had known Naruto, the blonde had shredded one of his shirts.

Really now, was it so hard to just take it off the normal way?

The blonde had also gotten a little close in a spot or two, as thin red lines appeared on Itachi's navel and the middle of his chest, though refusing to bleed.

Naruto was staring at them.

"Heh heh… sorry?"

Itachi wondered, not for the first time, what had kept him from just killing Naruto every time the option became available. Aside from the direct orders from the Akatsuki wanting him alive and the self-control, that is.

His chest stung slightly, until he felt something warm and damp slide up it, and realized that he was looking down at a head of blonde hair.

It was like lightening shooting through his veins, only less painful. It mostly seemed to end in the same place, though. Somewhere below his beltline.

It was encouragement enough to shrug off the ruined shirt. He suspected, though, if he kept up with these encounters, he was going to have to be buying a lot of shirts in the future. Thankfully, pay was good in the world of super-elite criminal organizations.

Naruto continued up Itachi's throat, grabbing the back of his neck with a greedy hand, before breaking away and reattaching his lips to Itachi's mouth. The Uchiha responded almost lethargically, unhurried as he reached down to remove the standard issue pants of Naruto's uniform, hands deftly working at the waistline, despite the alcohol flowing through their veins.

Somehow, Naruto already had the Uchiha's halfway off. Itachi had been aware that it had been happening, but it just… didn't… register.

The missing nin suddenly wondered just how many drinks he had that night. He had started before he ever spotted Naruto. Of course, he had been aware that the blonde was in the area.

So maybe he had a drink or two before he had heard that two shinobi from Konoha had been seen, and one happened to bear a striking resemblance to the bearer of the kyuubi.

That had been excellent reporting from the scout he had thought to acquire through the use of forbidden jutsus. Said scout was left to play cards with Kisame, and if he was half decent at cards, he was probably dead by now. Kisame was a sore loser and a crappy card player.

It had been months since the last… _encounter_… he had with Naruto, and with the bit of alcohol he had in his system already, it was enough to allow him to convince himself that he should not tell Kisame about whose location he had heard about, and instead announce that the shark-like man could play cards with the scout while he went for a walk.

A walk down to the section of town he had noted earlier that had at least three bars at first glance. Best to confirm an enemy's presence before taking actions.

_Actions such as sucking the salt off of every inch of their skin._

He was bad at lying to himself, but he wasn't going to admit why he was really there, either. At least, not until he had more to drink. By then, however, he happened to notice a lean, muscular body in shinobi uniform and unruly blonde hair.

Which had led to him currently being without pants (still not entirely sure how) and having his neck nearly devoured. Nerves were tingling throughout his body, but again, they all seemed to end in the same below-the-beltline place.

The place that had apparently decided to press urgently against the body below him. His hips, he found, were moving in a rhythmic manner that was trying to tell his brain he needed to _get on with it._

Naruto was pushing on his chest, urging him to lean backwards, but he wasn't in the mood to be so compliant, so he pushed back, pinning the blonde to the sheets below as he dove in with questing lips. Desperate hands clutched at him, demanding more.

A leg hooked around his hip gripped tighter, and Itachi was reminded of the fact that the body below him was still wearing pants. Until Naruto started squirming and taking them off himself. Itachi raised himself slightly to allow the other shinobi the room to unclothe himself further.

He knew when not to impede progress.

Naruto, for his part, managed to fumble around minimally before realizing his sandals were still on. He would've felt stupid if he wasn't drunk. The blonde assured himself that was an excuse. He managed to kick one off and the other came off when it got caught in his pants leg (he was really starting to think he should start wearing shorts) –which he also kicked off.

Somehow, Naruto also managed to remove Itachi's boxers in the same move.

He seemed pretty pleased with himself about that one, too, the smug bastard. So Itachi ripped his off with his bare hands. Naruto wondered if he could possibly repair the seams, because that was one of his lucky pairs (he had three, one of which was a gift) and it would be unfortunate later on if he ended up in an unlucky situation without the right boxers. The major point, however (or at least the one that would come up first), was that whether he liked it or not, they both knew that Naruto was going commando in the morning.

For some reason, that thought made Itachi feel a sudden urgency as he pressed his hips into Naruto's thigh. The blonde started squirming again, and managed to sit up, forcing Itachi on his haunches, as Naruto reached towards the foot of the bed, grabbing his pants that were still hooked on one of the posts and rifling through the pockets, before retrieving a small bottle of oil.

The label very cheerily claimed to be suitable for both genders, and was specially made for a chain of stores that Naruto prayed Sakura would never find out he went through the doors of. She would beat the crap out of him, even if Ino had once told him that she was with Sakura once when the girl was buying an outfit –although for who, Ino never found out.

Naruto knew that was a lie. Ino definitely knew for who.

The Konoha nin was about to open the bottle, when Itachi grabbed his wrist. The blonde looked at him questioningly while a pale hand uncurled his fingers and took the bottle from him. Then Naruto found himself on his back again, surprised (but mostly dizzy) at the speed in which it happened.

There was a weight on his thighs, and he could see a dark head bend down. His stomach coiled, electric heat twisting through his veins and he felt an impatience seeping from the core of his being.

Next there came an intrusion that made him jerk in surprise, while a distracting mouth was on his neck.

_  
/Distracting edit for fanfiction dot net./_

He collapsed, waiting for his arms to regain their ability to function, noting absently that the alcohol was still heavy in his blood, but he didn't really mind, because he felt good, which was becoming rarer for him these days.

He couldn't recall the last time he had broken out in a sweat, but suspected it was a few months ago involving a similar situation with the same person. He was right, of course, but it wouldn't occur to him later that it might have the potential to be a rigorous exercise regimen for him that not only would he enjoy, but should actually have positive results (though maybe not so much in the cardiovascular area as mood). However, the next thought after that would be an immediate dismissal, because he wasn't so naïve as to think the commute to Konoha would go unnoticed by the Akatsuki.

Let alone trying to get Naruto to agree to such arrangements –particularly if it meant Itachi becoming better trained only to turn around and use it to capture the blonde for nefarious S-class criminal organizations.

Naruto seemed like he'd be put off by that.

The Uchiha stayed that way a moment longer, wishful thinking (although he would not term it as such) taking over his mind, which he blamed entirely on the drinking and the after effects of good sex.

Although, he _was_ a genius, and if he tried hard enough, he could think of a way for the situation to work and remain a secret.

Beneath him, a pounding heart and laboring lungs echoed into his ears.

Itachi rolled over, and spent a minute or two on his back, waiting for his own breathing to calm down and his heart rate to relax. He was starting to drift off when hands that weren't his found themselves below his waist.

His eyes snapped open.

"Hey, you didn't think we were finished, did you? It's _my turn_."

As the kyuubi holder made use of his bottle of oil and sunk into a not-so-spent as first believed Itachi, the Akatsuki member learned one more use Naruto made of having virtually unlimited energy.

-

The sound of an opening door woke them, and as they both sprung up, Naruto's eyes widened in horror.

"Naruto?"

"Neji?"

"What are doing in my room?" The pale-eyed man asked, holding a large rectangular object under his left arm.

"I uh… this is your room? I could've sworn…"

"Your room is next door."

"Oh."

Remembering room numbers was useless when climbing in through a window.

By that point, Neji, being the observant ninja that he was and Naruto was supposed to be, noticed that not only was his friend stark naked, but that there was a stark naked person with him… who bore a striking resemblance to Uchiha Sasuke, especially with the sharingan eyes and all.

If Neji's memory served him correctly –which it did- he could name the man as Uchiha Itachi, according to his bingo book and a meeting or two on the subject of the Akatsuki.

All in all, what he knew about the man really didn't explain the situation that his mind was telling him it was.

The Hyuuga shifted the object he was carrying under his arm, looking from one gaping shinobi to the other impassive one.

"We're not going to have to fight him, are we? I'm still a little drunk."

Naruto attempted to answer, but couldn't quite form any words.

"I'll be taking my leave, then," Itachi said, managing to look dignified while picking up his clothes from the floor after a night of semi-anonymous sex. Not to mention that it was with an enemy and he was currently naked in front of said enemy's friend.

Even Neji was impressed by the calm in which the psychopathic mass murderer did this, and would have to attribute it to good breeding –though the Hyuuga would say that the younger Uchiha somehow missed out on this breeding.

In a swirl of smoke Itachi was gone and Naruto was scrambling to throw on his clothes.

There was a few minutes of silence (save for the rustling of cloth) where Neji wasn't quite sure where to look, so he studied the wall across from him and wondered if he should really say anything or pretend it had never happened –although it could turn out to be rather useful information against his dear friend should the need arise.

"This is why I stopped going to bars!" Naruto said, fumbling with the last of his clothing as he zipped up his vest.

The Hyuuga allowed that information to sink in while Naruto's behavior for the past few months fell into place. He was tempted to laugh, but felt that would result in him having a bloody lip. Or a broken nose.

"I imagine this is something you'd rather not let the Hokage in on," Neji said, breaking the silence.

The look Naruto shot back was enough to strip the paint off the walls. Or maybe that was just the condition of the hotel room.

Suddenly, Naruto's eyes focused on the object under Neji's arm.

"Is that a painting?"

"Yes."

"Where did you get that?" Naruto asked, his earlier issues momentarily forgotten.

"I painted it, last night," Neji said, shifting it around so Naruto could get a better look.

"Oh." Then, "It's good."

-

When Itachi came stumbling back to the current Akatsuki headquarters once again in a limping state of disrepair, he made sure to use tsukiyomi on the first person who even dared look in his general direction.

Kisame had made it a point of being out of sight when his partner returned, because he had his suspicions that whatever Itachi was up to, it would involve someone being in pain when the Uchiha showed. He could read his partner well, it turned out.

Weeks later, with whispers still going on behind his back –_which he could hear, thankyouverymuch- _he knew that if this ever happened again, he'd have to give up his genius title if he didn't hide the _evidence_ of his rendezvous before returning.

-

Naruto mostly just had to suffer Neji's obvious enjoyment at his expense. Between the Hyuuga's well-timed hints to fluster Naruto in front of others and outright blackmail, Uzumaki Naruto knew that sooner or later (sooner) he was going to have to kick Neji's ass.

He did have to admit though, Hyuuga Neji took the knowledge of the situation very well. Of course, each time Naruto drank and Neji was around, the dark haired man would hint that Naruto was waiting for someone, or just smirk stupidly at him all night, doing his best not to laugh.

Somehow, Neji usually ended up with a black eye whenever Naruto went drinking.

-

-

A/N: I wanted to have this out by the end of July.

I'm not so sure I like this as much as the first part, but I am sick of working on it, so whatever. It's done now. The end. 

Also, Kiba, Ino, Lee, and Naruto is my Dream Team. Someday I want to write a fic about it.

Hopefully, this corrupted even more people now. It's all about the corruption. And reviews. It's also about reviews.

P.S. Go read Martinique's "The Art of War". It's not anything like this fic. Go read it anyway. It's good.


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